I haven't been blogging very consistently. Sorry. I have to admit that I've struggled with what to say. Some of my friends have been so kind to ask, "How's the adoption going?" I fear they won't ask anymore because of the weird look I get on my face right before I start stammering out an inadequate answer. You see, I feel like from the moment we said yes to God, we've had one thing after another thrown our way to keep us from progressing toward the child we are sure God has for us.
A dear friend and fellow adoptive mom shared something with me that I want to pass along. I think it's a good perspective. In fact, there is enough I want to put out there that I will share in two different blog entries. This is the first installment. In my wise friend's words...
"What if the Lord wants us to be totally transparent, especially in the struggles of adoption? You've started those steps with your blog, but maybe there is more. The health issues, the money issues.... I firmly believe that only those who have walked the adoption walk realize what a mind numbing, faith building, inadequate feeling that going through an adoption is.
First, there are all those very personal questions you have to answer for the home study. They require you to pick apart your feelings that you've kept to yourself all your life. They dig into relationship issues that would be much easier to hold close to your heart and share them with strangers who will document them and keep them ready to be pored over forever. And they go over your health records and make you feel like you've been a borderline failure because your blood pressure has to be controlled with meds, you are not the perfect size, or even that your hormones need a little tweaking for you to be your optimal self. And all these personal things are someone else's business. I can think of no other reason to open ourselves to that except for the sake of a child that has no one to call their own."
I find myself wondering how transparent I want to be. I have to lay out the good, bad, and the ugly to the social workers. No choice. Do I want to lay it all out for friends, family, acquaintances, cyberspace to see? You know, I don't think for me it's worth it honestly. I'm a pretty private person. But what if laying it all out there will help someone else to see what adoption is all about? What if people will see what it's all about and commit to pray for us and others who have a heart for adoption? What is one person decides God's calling them to adopt a precious child? What if someone will read this and call asking to donate $30,000? Okay, that probably won't happen, but what if it did? What if someone has $1,000,000 they want to donate to a fund to help families with adoption expenses? What if??? God's a great big God!
So in an attempt at transparency, here are the challenges we face right now in this adoption journey.
1 ~ money. We need about $4600 to start. We've had some very gracious people donate money toward this goal, and words are not enough to express our thanks. I want you all to know that that money is safetly tucked in an account dedicated solely to our adoption fund. I know where every cent has come from and where it is. We have also been attempting to put away money toward this goal ourselves. Seems like so many times we get ready to put money in there, life happens and gets in the way.
2 ~ I have some health issues that have shown up lately. Don't worry ~ I'm okay really, just every little thing threatens to throw a bump in the road to approvals in the world of international adoption. I am trying to get some things under control there before we do medical checks.
3 ~ Family issues. My mom has been in the hospital since the first weekend of December. She's had one crisis after another, which has kept me busy going back and forth to the hospital a lot. Matt's dad has health issues that require his time and attention frequently as well.
I don't think I'm complaining, just explaining.
So my conclusion? I'll keep sharing, considering and praying carefully what to say here and what to keep private. Please keep asking how it's going. It's a great encouragement to know that this journey is on someone else's heart besides ours. We haven't forgotten. We're still praying. We're still confident in God's call.
~Martha
