Transparent or not?

I haven't been blogging very consistently.  Sorry.  I have to admit that I've struggled with what to say.  Some of my friends have been so kind to ask, "How's the adoption going?"  I fear they won't ask anymore because of the weird look I get on my face right before I start stammering out an inadequate answer.  You see, I feel like from the moment we said yes to God, we've had one thing after another thrown our way to keep us from progressing toward the child we are sure God has for us. 

A dear friend and fellow adoptive mom shared something with me that I want to pass along.  I think it's a good perspective.  In fact, there is enough I want to put out there that I will share in two different blog entries.  This is the first installment.  In my wise friend's words...

"What if the Lord wants us to be totally transparent, especially in the struggles of adoption? You've started those steps with your blog, but maybe there is more. The health issues, the money issues.... I firmly believe that only those who have walked the adoption walk realize what a mind numbing, faith building, inadequate feeling that going through an adoption is.

First, there are all those very personal questions you have to answer for the home study. They require you to pick apart your feelings that you've kept to yourself all your life. They dig into relationship issues that would be much easier to hold close to your heart and share them with strangers who will document them and keep them ready to be pored over forever. And they go over your health records and make you feel like you've been a borderline failure because your blood pressure has to be controlled with meds, you are not the perfect size, or even that your hormones need a little tweaking for you to be your optimal self. And all these personal things are someone else's business. I can think of no other reason to open ourselves to that except for the sake of a child that has no one to call their own."

I find myself wondering how transparent I want to be.  I have to lay out the good, bad, and the ugly to the social workers.  No choice.  Do I want to lay it all out for friends, family, acquaintances, cyberspace to see?  You know, I don't think for me it's worth it honestly.  I'm a pretty private person.  But what if laying it all out there will help someone else to see what adoption is all about?  What if people will see what it's all about and commit to pray for us and others who have a heart for adoption?  What is one person decides God's calling them to adopt a precious child?  What if someone will read this and call asking to donate $30,000?  Okay, that probably won't happen, but what if it did?  What if someone has $1,000,000 they want to donate to a fund to help families with adoption expenses?  What if???  God's a great big God!

So in an attempt at transparency, here are the challenges we face right now in this adoption journey.

1 ~ money. We need about $4600 to start. We've had some very gracious people donate money toward this goal, and words are not enough to express our thanks. I want you all to know that that money is safetly tucked in an account dedicated solely to our adoption fund. I know where every cent has come from and where it is. We have also been attempting to put away money toward this goal ourselves. Seems like so many times we get ready to put money in there, life happens and gets in the way.

2 ~ I have some health issues that have shown up lately. Don't worry ~ I'm okay really, just every little thing threatens to throw a bump in the road to approvals in the world of international adoption. I am trying to get some things under control there before we do medical checks.

3 ~ Family issues. My mom has been in the hospital since the first weekend of December. She's had one crisis after another, which has kept me busy going back and forth to the hospital a lot. Matt's dad has health issues that require his time and attention frequently as well.

I don't think I'm complaining, just explaining.

So my conclusion?  I'll keep sharing, considering and praying carefully what to say here and what to keep private.  Please keep asking how it's going.  It's a great encouragement to know that this journey is on someone else's heart besides ours.  We haven't forgotten.  We're still praying.  We're still confident in God's call. 

~Martha

And the winner is...

 In our non-scientific yet as random as we know how to be method...we choose our winner!

Thank you to everyone who posted on Facebook, followed our blog, posted on your blog, and/or put our button on your blog.  We completely believe that God is going to provide for our needs.  Look for more exciting give aways in the future.

Morgan ~ message us with your t-shirt size and we'll get you fixed up.

Giving some stuff away!

Here's the deal.  We need to broaden our blog readership in a big way.   So we want to reward you for helping us.  This package - 1 of our custom adoption t-shirts, 1 copy of Matt's book "When You Come Home" and one copy of "Lovesongs and Lullabyes" can be yours!  Here's how.

1 chance for simply becoming a follower on our blog
1 chance for doing a facebook post referencing our blog
2 chances for putting our blog button on your blog
2 chances for sharing on your blog

Please email us at mmeadors23@yahoo.com or send us a facebook message to let us know you've done these things so we can give you credit.
We will be randomly selecting a name on November 14.  Let's get this party started!

Don’t Worry, Keep Walking

Yes, it has been a long time. Too much to ‘splain, so let me sum up.

In the two months or so since our last blog post, we’ve had some personal health issues, and other very troubling issues with family distract and derail us from our quest. Beyond that, all of our fund raising efforts have either fallen flat, or in some cases they’ve yet to leave the ground.

Quite honestly, Martha and I have felt very lost and abandoned.

Today, however, is a new day and the Lord has given us encouragement through our pastor, Scott Palmer and a kick in the pants through our 14 year old daughter, Courtney, who is wise beyond her years. So, we as a family have decided to take action, and I’ve decided to get off my blessed assurance and write about something that’s been on my mind the last few weeks.

In September of 1988 Bobby McFerrin released a little song titled “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” A fun tune encouraging those who listened to find happiness in, or in spite of, life’s troubles. Then in August of 1994, a group of loonies, otherwise known as Soul’d Out – the Christian band Martha and I are in – just for fun came up with alternate lyrics to the song, based on the Israelites’wanderings in the desert. We called it “Don’t Worry, Keep Walking.”

While I enjoyed Mr. McFerrin’s song okay, I’ve actually had some of the words of our version echoing in the wide open spaces of my noggin, and I think I know why.

The Israelites wandered in the desert for so long because of their own mistakes. They doubted God’s faithfulness to do what He said He’d do (thank you Brother Scott). They grumbled about the way God was providing for them (perhaps manna left something to be desired but hey, it sure beats nothing). And probably the most egregious of their mistakes, they turned from God to their own devices.

While you’re not going to find any golden calves in our living room, Martha and I have made our own blunders. We froze. We allowed life’s problems to distract us from the extraordinary. We quit looking for the cloud by day and fire by night. We quit walking. Not that we meant to, it just kind of happened.

I mentioned Courtney earlier. She is so cool! At lunch today Martha and I were lamenting the whole adoption saga and Courtney stepped up, and in a loving, gentle way she challenged her parents:

“Well what are we waiting for?” she asked.

Martha and I blinked at each other. “Uh, good question.”

“Have you been pursuing God about it, believing in His ability to provide and taking action upon that belief?”

I cleared my throat and Martha began to nervously arrange the salsa bowls on the table. “Not exactly. See, we don’t know what to do.”

Teenage eye roll. “Well have you asked?”
“Hmmm, not lately…”

Sufficiently humbled by my beautiful daughter, I then proceeded to explain how it’s difficult for someone of my limited mental capacity to trust my interpretation of God’s will. Isn’t that like asking a three year old to explain molecular biology? I don’t think she fully bought it. She’s now grounded until she can quit making me feel silly.

So, what are we going to do about it?

For starters, we’re going to approach the throne daily, as a family, asking for clear direction. We’ve rededicated ourselves to the family prayer time that seems to ebb and flow with the business of life. We want and need His guidance. We anticipate hearing from Him and following His will.

Secondly, we’re going to take up the torch for the fundraising efforts. This is where I ask for your help and prayers. See, I’d rather sell my internal organs off than ask someone for help. Yeah, I know that’s awfully prideful and even foolish, but here I am facing the facts that we need help to make it happen. So pray for me and my sinful pride. The last thing I want is to stand in the way of the Lord’s glory. Pray also that the Lord give us a plan, bless our efforts and make them fruitful.

Finally, I believe that we will be called (if we haven’t already) to step out in faith, not knowing where the provision is coming from, but trusting that it does. Did you hear that giant gulp? Oh, that was me.

It’s time for action, and the action we’re going to take is to take our case to the Lord, day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute until He moves. In His good time. Lord, move, or move me. During this time of presidential campaigning, we’re going to revive our fundraising efforts for a cause that’s nobler than all the politicians on Capitol Hill.

The desert is vast. The challenge is big.

It’s time to get walking again.

~ Matt

The Cost of Adoption

Estimated Costs:

Agency fees (includes China Humanitarian Aid, document translations).....$5,915.00

Home Study.....$4,500.00

Fingerprints/background checks/Citizenship & Immigration/medicals/copies of licenses.....$4,100.00

Travel Expenses.....$17,610.00

Post Adoption Legal Fees.....$950.00

Total Estimated Cost.....$33,075.00

If I think about how much money it costs to adopt a child for too long I either get queasy or angry.  The queasy part, well that’s obvious.

The anger, that’s another story.  To put it bluntly, sometimes it seems to me like the whole adoption industry is nothing but a racket.

Allow me to qualify that statement by saying this: I think there are tons of adoption agencies, and individuals who work for them who truly care about what they’re doing.  We’ve experienced it firsthand.  For them it’s not just a job, but a passion to find homes for kids who desperately need them.  For most of these case workers they’re not in it for the money, believe me.  They put their hearts on the line with the adoptive families and children every day.  But they need to eat, and make a living, just like the rest of us.

All that being said, after the governmental bureaucracy and red tape (times 2 for international adoption), a hand out at every turn in the road, certifying documents, then certifying the certifications, etc, etc, it sometimes feels like we’re being scammed.  What kind of world do we live in where a whole industry is invented for finding homes for orphaned children?

The obvious answer: a broken world.  We live in an imperfect, broken world where there are people who exploit children every day (not just orphans) for personal gain, or worse.  People are swindled out of their savings every day - ever hear of a Ponzi Scheme?

But no one subjects us to it against our will.  We know going into it what we’re facing and we wade right in.  So why do we do it?  I would say for our family it comes down to a couple of specific reasons. 

Reason one: the call of God.  No we haven’t heard an audible voice or seen a 600 foot image of Jesus, but still, we’ve felt the call.  In our hearts.  The place where Jesus often does His most profound work.  Martha and I had our hearts turned toward adoption before we had Courtney, when we were struggling to have a biological child of our own.  The seed was planted then and it grew.  Adopting Cassidy was like applying a hyper dose of Miracle Grow on it.  From that point on our lives were forever changed in a super natural way.  God’s call on our lives had brought on some blood, sweat and tears (good thing I always liked that band), but it had also opened our eyes to the dramatic need all across our world, not just in China.  There is a tremendous, unrelenting need for families who will step up and care for the widow and the orphan, like we’re commanded to do.  Some dear friends of ours have a blog called “One More in China”.  Another friend’s is “One More Ladybug”.  Yet another is called “A Narrow Path”.  Ours is “The Adoption Call”.  Seeing a theme here?  It’s our mission – our ministry.  We’re going to follow it where ever it takes us.  For the sake of the call.

Now, before you start believing that we’re this awesome, noble, totally altruistic family, please don't.  We’re not.  So not.  Which leads me to our other reason: we want to.  Yes, it’s that simple.  It’s an incredible, amazing thing to watch God transform a family of three into a family of four – soon to be five.  Simply put, the girls would love a baby brother and Martha and I would love a son.  My best friend is taking his son through a biblically based right of passage that he has developed on his own, and I can’t wait to do that for my little boy.  Plus, I’ve gotta admit, traveling to China is just way cool.  Neat how God matches our calling with our desires, huh.

Yeah, our estimated cost for adoption is over 33 grand.  Is it hot in here or is it just me?  Please pray for us in this area, because we're going to need His help to cover the cost.

But to stand half a world away and to have this little child brought into your world, perhaps kicking and screaming at first, and to have your heart stolen yet again by this precious little face with dark brown eyes, to watch as your family grows in love and laughter, then to see that child who has become as much a part of the family as if they’d been born into it give their life to Christ, well that’s…….Priceless.

~ Matthew

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”  James 1:27 (NIV)

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Treasures

I've just got to share this conversation posted by a friend on her blog.  CJ is an adoptive parent and Mr. I is well...I'll let you decide what you think. 

 

CJ: I've got 10 kids; 7 are adopted from China.

Mr. I: Why in the h... would you do that?
CJ: Well, sir, there are millions of children in China alone needing a family.
Mr. I: Well, adopting 7 won't make a difference.
CJ: Tell that to them.
Mr. I: Tell it to who?
CJ: My 7 children.
Mr. I: Tell it to the 3 you didn't adopt when they lose out.
CJ: Lose out on what?
Mr. I: Their inheritance.
CJ: What's an inheritance?
Mr. I: That's what it's all about.
CJ: Sir, my inheritance isn't on this earth.
S.i.l.e.n.c.e.
So, it was a seed. Probably planted on rocky soil but nonetheless, it was a seed.

Thanks, C.J.  Good reminders for me as well:  Adopting one child changes the whole world for that child.  Whatever I may give up here is not worth anything compared to adding to the treasures in heaven. 

 "But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." Matthew 6:20

~ Martha